Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Another Look and Resolutions
Charcoal on Artagain paper
This photo caught my eye as I was looking for something to get the rust out. It has been months since I sat down with any art tool in my hand and this sums up the mood I was in.
I have had a very wonderful holiday season and was quite reluctant to get back into normal every day living. I did miss having time to sketch a little here or there, but replacing it with creative meals and time to just enjoy the kids and family was well worth time lost for art.
I thought about making some New Years Resolutions to fail, but decided against it. My husband told me that his new years resolution was to stop making resolutions and it sounded like the best resolution for me as well. So far I am very successful! I don't remember ever doing this well.
I start this year on good terms. I have plenty of food to eat. My house is warm and full of laughter. My family is healthy, for the most part. My heart is beating. My lungs are breathing. My mind is still capable of thought and I am content. There are plenty of things I could be worried about, but with all that I have, it seems selfish to allow myself to wallow in unnecessary grief. For at least a little while, I am going to allow myself to bathe in this contentment and let the soothing smell of acceptance fill my inner spaces. I am at peace with the world as I know it. These moments never last as long as I want them to.
I have come to realize that I cannot find contentment with the world around me if I am not looking to be content.
Many times in my life I have waited to lose something or someone to decide that I was happy with what I had. It is refreshing to be content with the world I currently live in before it is too late to do so. It is even exciting at times. I find pleasant surprises in the simple things that amuse me if I am open to be amused. That big pile of laundry I need to do is there because I have a lot of fantastic people around that wear clothes. That sink full of dishes is there because we had a meal big enough to feed us all. I am willing to accept the chores that need to be done because I love the people and circumstances that are associated with them. In fact I do them much more cheerfully when I think about it this way.
I have exactly what I need. As I browse through my memories, even in those times when I felt my life was lacking, I had just exactly what I needed. I did not always have the wisdom to take a second look at my circumstances. I had the terrible habit of looking for what was missing. (Any logical person can tell you that if it is missing you cannot see it.) Worrying about not getting what I need in the future is a silly activity when I look over the evidence.
I am taking another look at things. I don't know if this will take a year or the rest of my life. I only know it is happening now.
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