Myltia Series - Always

As a mother, I remember holding my babies like this. I would listen to their breathing, feel their chest expanding and contracting and just smell the wonderful aroma of baby. Moments like this are pure life. I think every mother I ever talked to remembers moments like these and smiles. Motherhood is Always.

I got a new webcam for Christmas. This is the first time I have recorded myself drawing. It was a fun experiment and I think I will give this another shot. I used Windows Movie Maker to edit the video. It was a lot easier than I thought it would be.

This project has me very excited. This is the first in a series I am doing that I will call Myltia. I mentioned her story in my last post when I was doing some idea sketches. As I was working up my plan, I could not decide on any particular media. I wanted to do something that captured the fragile nature of the moment. The more I thought about it, the more difficult the decision was. Each method has distinct advantages and aesthetic appeal. That is when I decided to do this in three different styles.

I will use the same drawing and finish it in three different ways. The first, Always, will be stippled or done in pointillism. The second will be done in graphite. I will call that one Be. I am still deciding on the media the third will be done in, but it will be called Together.  I haven't decided on framing yet.  I have considered matting them together in one long frame.  I have also considered having them in attached frames.  I think together they will tell a story.  I hope they will anyway. 

Life Drawing - Renewing The Energy!

In the order they were done:

I decided to play around with just the graphic quality of this image.  There is something I am trying to capture here that I am just not quite getting.  Using just any old ink pen that supplied black ink, I played around with lines and hatching and flow.  I just wanted to see what it would look like in high contrast and low contrast.  I think what I am ultimately working towards is a vagueness about the seperation between mother and child.  I want just enough lines to indicate that there is, in fact, two seperate people, but at the same time the work is about the oneness of the two of them together.  This picture is haunting me and begging to be done until I get what I am looking for. 

The next sketch is just me playing with pushing and pulling things forward and backward with lines.  Contour lines, heavy lines, incomplete circles, etc.  Once I got on the thought about contrast, my mind just kind of wandered around and I copied a few bones out of my new book while I let my hands do the thinking.

Of course once I started copying bones, I turned the page and made a cleaner copy, just exploring the shapes of the bones.  I used my hands to feel my own arm to see how the bone twists and curves and turns like the one in the picture.

I got the notice that there was going to be a model at the Lafayette Atelier Monday morning.  It was so strange to be sitting with a model in front of me again.  As soon as I sat down, that inner critic started whining in the back of my mind.  I almost started to count the years since I sat in front of a model, but I stopped myself.  Then I discovered that I had left some of my supplies at home, like sandpaper to sharpen my charcoal, my skewer to measure with and my blending junk.  I almost told myself I could never make a good drawing without the important supplies.  Then I remembered someone saying "A real artist can make something out of a stick and some dirt", so I pressed on.

There is something very energizing about looking at a model and using your hands to record what you see.  I can't think of anything else like it in the world.  Although my goal is to be very good at representing the subject matter, the real point of drawing a model from life is to be there in the moment.  Breathing in, looking, breathing out, marking.  There is a rhythm to it, like a song or a dance.  If I can let go of all those stupid thoughts that keep me from hearing the soft rhythm, I can find it.  It just exists quietly in there somewhere all the time.  I think that is the "zone" or the "flow" that I hear about.

After getting this drawing home, I noticed that my attitude about our model was staring me square in the face.  My first impression of her as she got into place was that she looked like a queen.  The way the light shined on her from my angle and the way she sat so straight and poised made her regal.  She was quite beautiful.  I fell in love with her chin and the way the shadow hugged around it.  Because of that, I overworked it and did not leave well enough alone.  There is a time to let go.  I find that I understand that after I have gone past that point.

Even though there will always be an underlying attempt to be correct and realistic with my drawing and painting, there is always going to be a piece of myself, my inner workings, merged into my art.  I can tell you that there are some issues with proportion on this piece.  I see it.  I will go into my next piece knowing I need to pay attention to these things, but now that this one is done, it is just kind of nice to appreciate it for what it is.  This is where I was.  This is what I saw.  Now that I look at it, I see things differently, but at that time and in that place, this is what happened.  Those arms had a long way to go to make it to the top of her torso.  Those legs stretched way out in front of her.  Her chin lifted in a very confident manner.  It is kind of a nice memory to have captured.

This next sketch is of my daughter, Toni.  Instead of watching TV she writes.  She has book after book that she has filled with an unending desire to get the words on the paper.  She sat at one end of the table and I sat at another.  Her pencil was going as fast as her brain/hand would allow as mine did the same.  The only sound from either of us was the sound of a pencil shedding off it's layers onto the paper.  Though we were getting much different results, we were essentially doing the same thing.  It is a bond we have.  Compared to the next room where people were talking and the television was blaring, it was quiet.  Somehow I focused on the sound of our pencils in choir together as we pushed them along separately.


I have been watching a lot of Art 21 on Hulu.  Even though nothing I have seen on that show has made me want to go do what those artists have done, I find myself getting addicted to the idea of getting addicted to an idea.  That is essentially what most of the artists on these shows are doing.  They are finding energy in returning to basic ideas and displaying it in new ways.

This morning I woke up to an email asking me to check out a link with The Art Department.   There are some fantastic previews about sketching and developing an idea that goes along with everything I have been doing and thinking about lately.  I am a big fan of the guys over at Conceptart even though I have no desire to become a freelance illustrator.  The sketching tutorial by George Pratt hit the mark with me this morning.  He gives a lot of great sketching advice.  His bottom line is to not worry about being accurate.  Worry about getting down an idea.

Something that seems blatantly obvious to me over the last few days is that it isn't my duty or obligation to lead the viewers of my art in any particular direction. I can't possibly know what kind of thoughts go through their minds as they look at what I have to display any more than that model had on me while I saw her as a queen.  I certainly have no control over it even if I make a close guess.  What I can do is put down an idea, as accurately as the moment allows, and let nature take its course.  It is absolutely pointless to concern myself about what someone else might find pleasing or displeasing.  I believe that has always been my barrier between showing my physical art in the public and just uploading a picture of it on the internet.  I fear the thought that someone will see only the flaws that I see once the work is done.  In truth, I am keeping my genuine response closely guarded so I don't have to face being wrong.  What is wrong with being wrong?  If I learn something from it I can free myself to be wrong about something entirely different the next time.  You see, once I do figure out how to get it right I move on to the next thing I am doing wrong anyway, so it is a silly fear. 

I read this in Art and Fear well over a year ago, but it is just now sinking in.



Quick Link Review:
Conceptart
Lafayette Atelier
Art 21 on Hulu
The Art Department

Myltia

Years ago, I knew her as Myltia when we played online roleplaying games.  After the baby was born, she died of  cancer.  We are still friends with the family and though we drift here and there, we still manage to keep in touch. It is a nice addition to my sketchbook. A sketch and a memory tied together. 

This is a sketch from a photo for a larger drawing.  I am working out ideas and getting my blatant mistakes out of the way.   I am not sure what the final drawing will be.  I need to make sure this is on something that will ship well.  The final will be heading to Canada.  I have lots of options.  Copperpoint, Graphite, Fixed Charcoal, Ink. Sometimes the possibilities are overwhelming.

Cyclopedia Anatomicae

The girls and I took a trip to Barnes and Noble.  We shopped for books, bought some coffee and sat at a table in silence.  Toni had to observe a stranger and write a fictional background story based on what she observed for a writing assignment.  Tori purchased a new sketchbook and a set of colored pencils, so she started drawing.  I sketched in public for the first time.  We really enjoyed our day.

Sketching in public is intimidating.  I was worried the whole time that people were aware that I was looking at them.  As I sketched, I hoped that they would not be offended, or come to see what I was doing.  I must admit that the overall experience was not nearly as terrible as I assumed it would be.

Next time I go, I want to take pens or markers or something that will make stronger marks.  My intimidation shows up in my sketches.  Bolder marks, bolder intentions, bolder work!  That is something that will have to come with practice I think.  Getting past the first time was the hardest part.


While I was there, I found a book on the 50% off table called Cyclopedia Anatomicae by Feher/Szunyoghy.  The list price was $14.98.  There are tons of illustrations in this book!  It covers individual bones and bone groups of humans and animals.  It also covers muscle groups and motion.  I have been looking for a book on anatomy for quite a while.  There might be better anatomy books out there, but for the price this book packs a lot of punch.

I am looking forward to doing some anatomy studies and get some composition studies done for my January Painting.  The year seems to be starting out nicely!

Quick Link Review:

Self Portrait #4 and #5

I tried a double mirror pose so that I would be facing the right direction in my self portrait.  The disadvantage to that is that it is very hard to measure.  I tried first with the conte crayon, but between fighting the crayon and getting disoriented in the double mirrors, it was just too frustrating.  I pulled the page out of my book and then picked up my handy dandy mechanical and went to work getting it figured out. I was much happier with the results.  I have places on my paper that is just not accepting graphite.  I am not sure if it is my lead or the paper.