Otiose

I have become otiose.

In the guise of being productive, I allowed myself to avoid the persistent nagging of my ego by doing none of the things it was complaining about.
If I cannot win this game, I will not play.

I learned about things that seem important..
To Someone.

I tried to find some way to impress someone..
Somewhere.

I avoided myself to avoid my shortcomings so I could avoid the petulant voice inside my mind.
Somehow.

I otiosely scanned the internet for important information about nothing.
I otiosely did half the dishes.
I did two loads of laundry that no one will wore and left the clothes they really want cleaned in the basket.
I called the tasks I did accomplish difficult so that I could fool the world into believing that I am living up to my inner potential.

Until I discovered how very lost I am.

I am the time that was lost to mindless research.
I am the half of the dishes that did not get done.
I am the laundry that was left in the basket.

I did not spend this time Learning to Listen Deeply, or develop a sense of The Self. I simply let go of hope and motivation to avoid disappointment.

It didn't work.

It is probably a good thing I figured that out. Maybe now I can be present in this moment.

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Technorati tags:
Artist Block, creativity, Zencast

Wrapping my head around our economy

My husband found an article called:
Fannie Mae Eases Credit To Aid Mortgage Lending

It was written in 1999 and predicts exactly what is happening with the mortgage backed loans.

Paul: Bailout 'bad for taxpayers'

What worries me the most is that it took years for this mistake to come to fruition and we are trying to fix it with an overnight plan.



Are we screwing things up for our kids?